rebound

He awakens my senses. I see clearer. I wake and breathe different; the air is cooler, the day a tad bit brighter. An almost permanent smile is glued to my face. The hairs on my neck suddenly acquire life. Almost everything tastes like chocolate and his voice creates a sort of soothing resonance that only my ears seem to catch.

We’ve all heard about the rebound. He/she is the perfect person we find right after a bad break-up or in the process of a break-up. They usually don’t last long; after the first bloomy moments when you completely get over your ex, the rebound starts to seem like just every other person that isn’t your ex. The fantasy fades, the perfection flaws, his/her reference to your ex-lover starts to sound hypocritical and then you discover you have probably made another mistake right after one.

I have heard of the rebound too but you know how something regular happens to you and you don’t want to admit that it is what it is. You are like 'mine has to be different from others. I mean no two situations are the same, right?' There were other prospective rebounds. This one won all others. I can’t help but acknowledge its presence, its stance, its intensity, its gut. It can’t be wrong if it feels so good.

They make you become more self-conscious. Are you tall enough? Is your ass the right proportion? Does your accent sound forced? Things you didn’t bother yourself with in your last relationship because you already landed someone. It dawns on you that you try harder now to impress. You stop to ask yourself sometimes if you should let yourself get consumed again. You start to wonder if you are cool enough to entice em, keep em, if you’d really want to keep em and then what exactly ‘keeping em’ implies.

Intense; the way he can be stoic one moment and then unexpectedly stare boldly, deeply. Just when I think it’s all in my head and that it’s a tease or just momentary, his gaze holds mine and I believe again. I want it to be true. The truth I told myself. Or is it true? I can love again, well…not yet though but it does feel good; all that excitement that come with new flames. I tell myself it is just for fun. Then I catch myself lingering a little too much on the memory of his face.